March 26, 2024

Though shame is a strong topic, it’s important to remember that shame is not the essence of who you are.

Before delving deeper into their impact, it's essential to distinguish between guilt and shame.
 

Differentiating Guilt and Shame

Guilt arises when we feel we've deviated from our moral compass, having 'done something bad.' In contrast, shame extends beyond actions, permeating our core identity with harsh self-judgments like "I am bad." This distinction is crucial in understanding the depth of our emotional struggles.

Simplistically speaking:

Guilt = I’ve DONE something bad.

Shame = I AM bad.

Do you recognize any of these negative self-judgments: “I am bad, I am broken, I am disgusting, I am unworthy ,I am hopeless, I am undeserving of happiness, I am not good enough”. If you have believed in any one of those negative self-judgments, and continue to do so today, then you most likely are still carrying an immense amount of shame inside of you.

We were not born with shame. 

This is important to remember because if you have a belief that you are ‘damaged goods’, or ‘fundamentally flawed’ you need to remember that the ‘belief’ was created at a later time, and most likely that time was during your childhood.

Recognizing the Signs

Negative self-judgments such as feeling unworthy or undeserving can indicate underlying shame. Often rooted in childhood experiences, shame manifests from environments marked by criticism or abuse, shaping our beliefs about ourselves.

The Impact of Shame

Shame alters our behaviors and beliefs, seeping into adulthood and influencing our interactions with the world. Responses to shame can range from withdrawing from triggers to engaging in self-destructive coping mechanisms like substance abuse or unhealthy relationships.

Breaking the Cycle

Awareness serves as the first step in dismantling the shame-response cycle. By identifying and observing shame's elements—thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors—we detach ourselves from its grip, recognizing that shame doesn't define us. 

This step is really important because it shows something basic: even though shame includes thoughts, feelings, and memories, your conscious mind—the part of you that notices these things—stays the same. It means you're not the same as the shame you feel.

 Practicing Self-Compassion:

Acceptance and self-compassion play pivotal roles in combating shame. Validating our pain, acknowledging self-criticism, and fostering kindness towards ourselves are vital steps in reframing shame as a call for self-love rather than self-condemnation.

 When we acknowledge that shame is a common and natural response for people who’ve experienced all sorts of traumas – and the “I’m BAD” narrative is universal—it can assist us in accepting the unwelcome feelings, sensations, thoughts, and memories that shame brings.

Discovering Essence:

As you become more aware in the presence of shame – the awareness, acceptance, and self-compassion make it possible to explore your true essence.

With heightened awareness and self-compassion, we can delve deeper into our true essence, exploring beyond the confines of shame. Engaging in reflective inquiries either individually or with support facilitates this journey towards self-discovery.        

Guilt and shame can be formidable adversaries, but with understanding, awareness, and self-compassion, we can navigate through these emotions towards a healthier perception of ourselves. By acknowledging our struggles and embracing our essence, we empower ourselves to break free from the shackles of shame, paving the way for self-acceptance and growth.

Check out your free PDF guide, "Stepping Out of Shame,"  packed with valuable insights, journaling prompts, tools, and practical exercises for everyday use.