April 18, 2024

In our daily interactions, we often encounter subtle yet impactful communication tactics that can leave us feeling misunderstood, invalidated, or even manipulated. It's essential to recognize these techniques to foster healthier communication and maintain genuine connections. Let's delve into some common manipulative communication tactics and practical solutions to address them effectively.

Guilt Tripping

 “ Nobody would put up with this! “

Ever found yourself feeling guilty for something you didn't even realize you did wrong? 

That's guilt tripping in action. It's a manipulative tactic where someone tries to make another person feel guilty for their actions or inactions. This can create emotional manipulation and a sense of obligation, hindering authentic communication.  

To combat guilt tripping, practice assertiveness by setting boundaries and expressing your feelings calmly and directly. Refuse to accept unwarranted guilt and encourage open, honest dialogue instead.
 

Triangulation

“Why can’t you be more like them…”

This is called Triangulation, involves bringing a third party into a conflict or disagreement in an indirect attempt to manipulate or control the situation. It's like involving someone else to mediate or take sides in a dispute instead of addressing it directly with the person involved. This tactic can create tension and confusion, as well as undermine trust and communication between the original parties. Triangulation is often used to avoid personal accountability or to gain leverage in a power dynamic. To address triangulation, foster direct communication channels and encourage individuals to resolve conflicts directly with those involved. Establishing clear boundaries and promoting transparency can help prevent the manipulation associated with triangulation.
 

Invalidation

“ You’re taking this too personally! ”

Invalidation occurs when someone dismisses or disregards another person's thoughts, feelings, or experiences. It's harmful because it denies their reality and undermines their sense of self-worth.  To combat invalidation, practice active listening and empathy. Validate the other person's feelings by acknowledging their perspective and expressing understanding. Encourage open communication where all voices are heard and respected.

Fauxpology

“I’m sorry you feel that way…”

This is called Fauxpology, it refers to a fake or insincere apology. It's when someone says sorry but doesn't really mean it or doesn't take responsibility for their actions. Instead of genuinely acknowledging their wrongdoing and expressing remorse, they might offer a half-hearted apology to appease the other person or avoid conflict. It's frustrating because it doesn't address the underlying issue and can make the situation even more contentious. To address fauxpologies, encourage genuine accountability and empathy. When apologizing, take responsibility for your actions, express genuine remorse, and commit to making amends. Encourage others to do the same, fostering a culture of accountability and mutual respect.

Victim Blaming

“Something is wrong with you, you need help!”

Victim blaming occurs when the focus shifts from the perpetrator's actions to the victim's perceived flaws or shortcomings. It deflects responsibility from where it truly belongs, which is never fair or just. To combat victim blaming, promote empathy and understanding. Encourage individuals to focus on supporting and validating victims rather than assigning blame. Foster a culture of accountability where perpetrators are held responsible for their actions.

Patronizing

“You’re not capable of understanding this…”

Patronizing behavior involves talking down to others and assuming superiority or greater knowledge. It can undermine confidence and discourage open communication.  It's like when someone explains simple things in a condescending tone, assuming the other person can't understand. To address patronizing behavior, promote mutual respect and equality in communication. Encourage individuals to speak assertively and assert their boundaries when faced with patronizing remarks. Foster an environment where all voices are valued and respected, regardless of perceived status or expertise.

By enhancing communication awareness and addressing manipulative communication techniques, we can foster healthier, more authentic connections and create environments conducive to meaningful dialogue and mutual respect. 

In somatic practices, the solution revolves around connecting with the body to enhance emotional well-being and foster personal growth.

Here are some key insights:

Stay Grounded: When faced with manipulative communication, stay grounded in your body. Notice physical sensations like tension, discomfort, or unease. Take deep breaths and focus on the present moment.

Trust Your Gut: Pay attention to your instincts. If something feels off, trust yourself. Your body communicates through subtle cues.

Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with manipulative individuals. Communicate assertively and be prepared to enforce boundaries.

Practice Assertive Communication: Develop assertiveness to express needs and boundaries. Use "I" statements without blaming others. Practice verbally and non-verbally.

Seek Support: If facing consistent manipulation, consider therapy. It offers a safe space to process emotions and learn coping strategies.

Cultivate Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Dealing with manipulation can be tough. Offer kindness and validation to yourself.

Stay Connected to Your Authentic Self: Trust your values amid manipulation. You deserve respect and integrity in all interactions.

By cultivating awareness of bodily sensations, emotions, and boundaries, you can navigate manipulative communication more effectively and maintain your sense of empowerment and authenticity.
 

Have a look at  your free PDF guide, "Structured Conversations" packed with valuable insights, journaling prompts, tools, and practical exercises for everyday use. 

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Read next: Shame vs. Guilt: Understanding the Emotional Battle