"BELOVED OSHO,
THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN YOU TALKED ABOUT THE FALSE AND THE REAL, I CAME TO A PLACE INSIDE OF ME THAT COULD FOR THE FIRST TIME REALLY UNDERSTAND YOU. IT WAS AS IF I WAS LOOKING AT MYSELF FROM THE OUTSIDE, AS A BODY THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME BUT WAS NOT REALLY "ME"; THEN A LAYER OF MY PERSONALITY THAT WAS ALSO JUST A LAYER OF FALSENESS AND NOT REALLY "ME". AND EVEN FURTHER INSIDE WAS A SPACE THAT WAS VERY SILENT AND BEAUTIFUL, BUT THAT COULDN'T BE ME EITHER, BECAUSE IT WAS NEITHER MASCULINE NOR FEMININE, NOR COULD IT UNDERSTAND ANY LANGUAGE OF WORDS -- IT WAS JUST A NOTHINGNESS. BELOVED OSHO, IF NONE OF THOSE THREE THINGS ARE ME, THEN WHERE AM I?

Anand Disha, one of the most fundamental things to be remembered -- not only by you but by everyone -- is that whatever you come across in your inner journey, you are not it.
You are the one who is witnessing it. It may be nothingness, it may be blissfulness, it may be silence, but one thing has to be remembered: however beautiful and however enchanting an experience you come across, you are not it. You are the one who is experiencing it. And if you go on and on and on, the ultimate in the journey is the point when there is no experience left -- neither silence, nor blissfulness, nor nothingness. There is nothing as an object for you, but only your subjectivity.
The mirror is empty; it is not reflecting anything.
It is you.
Even great travelers of the inner world have got stuck in beautiful experiences, and have become identified with those experiences, thinking, "I have found myself." They have stopped before reaching the final stage where all experiences disappear.
Enlightenment is not an experience.
It is the state where you are left absolutely alone, nothing to know. No object, howsoever beautiful, is present. Only in that moment does your consciousness, unobstructed by any object, take a turn and move back to the source. It becomes self-realization, it becomes enlightenment.
I must remind you about the word "object." Every object means a hindrance -- the very meaning of the word is "hindrance," objection.
So the objects can be outside you, in the material world; the objects can be inside you, in your psychological world; the objects can be in your heart, feelings, emotions, sentiments, moods. The objects can be even in your spiritual world. And they are so ecstatic that one cannot imagine there can be more. Many mystics of the world have stopped at ecstasy. It is a beautiful spot, a scenic spot, but they have not arrived home yet.
When you come to a point when all experiences are absent, when there is no object, then consciousness without obstruction moves in a circle -- in existence everything moves in a circle, if not obstructed -- it comes from the same source of your being, goes around. Finding no obstacle to it -- no experience, no object -- it moves back, and the subject itself becomes the object.
That's what J. Krishnamurti, for his whole life, continued to say: that when the observer becomes the observed, know that you have arrived.
Before that, there are thousands of things in the way. The body gives its own experiences, which have become known as the experiences of the centers of kundalini; seven centers become seven lotus flowers. Each is bigger than the other and higher, and the fragrance is intoxicating. The mind gives you great spaces, unlimited, infinite. But remember the fundamental maxim that still, the home has not come.
Enjoy the journey and enjoy all the scenes that come on the journey -- the trees, the mountains, the flowers, the rivers, the sun and the moon and the stars -- but don't stop anywhere unless your very subjectivity becomes its own object. When the observer is the observed, when the knower is the known, when the seer is the seen, the home has arrived.
This home is the real temple we have been searching for, for lives together, but we always go astray. We become satisfied with beautiful experiences. A courageous seeker has to leave all those beautiful experiences behind, and go on moving. When all experiences are exhausted and only he himself remains in his aloneness... no ecstasy is bigger than that, no blissfulness is more blissful, no truth is truer. You have entered what I call godliness; you have become a god.
Anand Disha, you are asking, "If none of those three things are me, then where am I?"

An old man went to his doctor. "I have got toilet problems," he complained.
"Well, let us see. How is your urination?"
"Every morning at seven o'clock, like a baby."
"Good. How about your bowel movement?"
"Eight o'clock each morning, like clockwork."
"So, what is the problem?" the doctor asked.
"I don't wake up until nine."

Anand Disha, you are asleep and it is time to wake up. All these experiences are experiences of a sleeping mind.
The awakened mind has no experiences at all.

And in the immediately following answer Osho says:
"If you have lived joyously, you will be ready to welcome death too -- invite her for a dance! Death is powerful only over people who have never lived, who don't have the courage to relax peacefully in moments of death without any fear -- because no accident, no disease, nothing can make even a dent in your consciousness; you are always intact."

Much love to you Rupda, and to all of us meeting now thru her passing...
Rabia (rabia@telia.com)